First, we slow things down.
Rather than deciding who is right and who is wrong, we become curious about the pattern you’re caught in.
Then we get underneath the pattern.
What is happening emotionally?
What does each of you need?
What are you protecting yourself from?
What happens in your body when you feel rejected, criticized, abandoned or overwhelmed?
We look at the stories you bring into the relationship.
Our families.
Our previous relationships.
Our experiences of love and safety.
Sometimes we’re responding to an old story while believing we’re responding to the person sitting in front of us.
And then we practice something different.
Not perfect communication.
Not never getting angry.
Not becoming some Instagram version of a healthy couple. Something better and more real.
Learning how to stay connected while being two different people.
I don’t believe in perfect relationships.
I believe in relationships where people keep learning.
Love is complicated because people are complicated.
We bring entire histories, nervous systems, families, identities, desires and fears into the room.
Relationships don’t fail because two people don’t know enough communication techniques.
Sometimes we know exactly what we’re supposed to do.
And then our nervous system gets activated and we can’t do it.
That’s the work.
We are all human. We all struggle. And we all get caught in stories that keep us from one another.